he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
