If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
