When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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