To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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