i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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