fuck your aforementioned shoe
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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