I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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