I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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