Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
