Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
