My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
