I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
