So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was like eating out sand paper
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
