fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
