Betty ford says i'm here all night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
