I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
