I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere