saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...