It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.