How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving