She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.