i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.