Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
