A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
