My pussy is not your playground.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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