Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
