He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
