just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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