Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
