We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
