God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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