I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
