Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
