Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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