i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
