It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
