so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
