Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
