Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
