Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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