I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize