I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
