nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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