I think I am morally bankrupt
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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