I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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