I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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