If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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