are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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