i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
