I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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