Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
