Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
