I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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