I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
