I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
