Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
