Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You may now shotgun with the bride
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
