That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You can't motorboat a personality
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
