Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
