I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
