If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
