dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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