i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
