Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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