Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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