My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
